A Panda Is Born 6 p.m., Animal Planet - At least someone is offering us tears of joy. Animal Planet serves up a New Year's Eve full of baby cuteness, beginning with the birth of Tai Shan at the National Zoo, and followed at 7 by a penguin hatching in Oregon - so apparently it's a black-tie affair.

Hooked: Illegal Drugs and How They Got That Way 6 p.m., The History Channel - Buzzkill Part II, the Literal Edition. Last year, History gave us the salacious history of sex, narrated by the appropriately skeevy Peter Coyote. This year, we get drugs. From 6 p.m. into the night, History is giving us documentaries on cocaine, marijuana, methamphetamines, opium, morphine and heroin. Hey, stop sniffing that TV screen - you'll go blind.

Monty Python's Flying Circus 6 p.m., BBC America - Those Brits get how to do a lonely New Year's. Right up until the midnight hour, you can watch silly walks, parliamentary battles and the Spanish Inquisition. Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition! Consider yourself forewarned.

Kathy Griffin: Allegedly 8 p.m., Bravo - You think you had a bad year? Comedian Kathy Griffin filed for divorce from her husband and this month lost her gig with E! Remember better days with her in this stand-up show from 2004.

The Village - 8:05 p.m., Starz West - Mysterious, terrifying creatures beset a colonial-style village in this M. Night Shyamalan flick. The secret: Bruce Willis is dead! Oops, sorry, wrong one.

Dick Clark's Primetime New Year's Rockin' Eve 2006 10:35 p.m., Denver's 7 - He's back! And earlier than ever, as Clark teams up with entertainment spawn Ryan Seacrest (what is his talent, again?) for a glorified music video show before the real Times Square event begins.

But half of this show comes from Los Angeles - does that mean that what we're watching hasn't actually happened yet? I wish I'd paid closer attention in physics. Or even taken physics. Or phys-ed, for that matter.

Hollywood performers include 311, Sean Paul, Chris Brown, the Bangles, the Pussycat Dolls, 3 Doors Down, Sugarland and host Hilary Duff's giant teeth. In New York, Mariah Carey is scheduled to perform. I think she'll be cold.

New Year's Eve with Carson Daly 11:30 p.m., 9News - Featuring Mary J. Blige, Wanda Sykes, Brian Williams and Diddy. Someone here does not belong.

New Year's Eve Live 11 p.m., KDVR-Channel 31 - Am I supposed to be impressed that this show is live? Is there a point to a taped New Year's Eve countdown? This one has Regis Philbin as host, with Jillian Barberie, Nick Cannon, Donald Trump, Carrie Underwood and John O'Hurley.

This is cache, read story here