DEAR VAL: I've known for a while that my marriage was in difficulty. We'd stopped having sex and my husband had started drinking after work. But I felt we would be able to work it out given time. Then I came home from work one day to find he'd left with all his clothes and belongings. There was a short note saying he'd met someone new and wouldn't be coming back. I've since found out she's a divorced woman of 26 with a child he'd met only two months ago. He's 43 and we have three children. How could he do this?

DEAR BITTER: Unfortunately, it's a harsh lesson to learn that marriages in trouble should be attended to right away or they drift into permanent estrangement. But your husband is acting both unkindly and stupidly and may be going through a mid-life crisis. He has obligations to you and his children that won't disappear with him walking away. It's best you stay in some contact with him for the sake of your children's wellbeing and to make sure he understands his obligation. If he refuses, then you must go to a lawyer. Personal counselling would also help you get through the inevitable anger and bitterness that will follow.

DEAR VAL: My partner and I have been together for 19 years and love each other as much today as we did at the beginning. He's a great guy and sex has always been wonderful, except for the past year. I'm no longer interested in sex or have any desire for him. I don't even kiss him now and completely avoid contact in bed in case he wants sex and I feel terrible about it as he's devastated by the rejection. I don't know why I've lost interest and don't know what to do.

DEAR LOST INTEREST: You don't say your age but it sounds as if you're either in or approaching menopause. A drop in hormonal levels can make desire disappear suddenly. Visit your doctor and get checked and talk to them about hormone replacement therapy or testosterone treatment. Also get checked for a thyroid problem or diabetes. Alternatively, go to a herbal store for a natural preparation or supplement to boost your sex drive. Talk to your partner about everything and explain that for the moment all you can manage is hugs but you're working on finding a solution. It sounds like it's too good a relationship to let disintegrate.

DEAR VAL: My secret fantasy dream is to have a threesome with my wife and her best friend who is very sexy. Our marriage is a good one and I love my wife and she's always been open to having some adventures in our sex life. But I've never asked her about having two women before. I'm fine with it if she's refuses but I'm worried that I will upset her by asking.

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