When your friends are sick of hearing about your love life and its woes, your therapist is ready to give you a refund and your favorite bartender bans you for life, turn to a book. It won't tell you to shut up, and often it can assure you that whatever you're feeling, you're not the first.

Good advice, told in conversational style, for women who can't control their impulses: "When it comes to your ex, any urge or impulse to contact him will do more harm than good." It also touches on women's tendency to idealize life. "The problem with being the guy with the boom box is that in the movie he's the hero but in real life he gets carted away by the cops." You know they're talking about "Say Anything" and you probably watched it sobbing after a breakup, saying, "Why couldn't (my ex) be more like Lloyd Dobler?"

The book uses the same fake "letters to Greg by pathetic women" (OK, the book doesn't call them that, but that's what they are) formula to present situations that Behrendt used in his previous book. He obviously thinks women need a lot of help in the self-esteem department . . . and sometimes in the common-sense department.

The new The Rules. And the rules are, let him come to you: "My belief is that if you have to be the aggressor, if you have to pursue, if you have to do the asking out, nine times out of 10, he's just not that into you."

The book helps you get a grip and stop obsessing over lackluster men. The authors constantly deliver the message: You are an awesome "superfox" and you deserve a man's time, attention and phone calls. Direct and comical style makes for a good read. The authors tell the reader, "Always be classy, never crazy after a breakup." Good advice to keep you from doing something you will regret.

Too many generalizations. Example: "The word 'busy' is a load of (nonsense). . . ." Sometimes he really is busy, unless he's unemployed and who wants that? Also, the workbook activities are cheesy. Some are funny, but most are just dumb.

A counter to a certain bestselling book. We've all been there: You're not that into him, but he has a pulse, or all your friends are getting married, or you slept with him anyway, or you thought you could have sex like a man. All of a sudden, you start liking him. He's a steady Friday night date, even if all you do is sit on the couch with a rented video and a pizza. Then, when you get dumped, you are indignant. How dare he not like you? You need him back.

It's more holistic and encourages women to look harder at their behaviors and the men they are dating. "This book will not reduce men's behaviors to a simple tagline. And it will not provide a neat and handy set of rules for you to follow. I'm giving you more credit than to assume you just need a rote list." Take that, "He's Just Not That Into You."

Sometimes you really are that into him. Then where do you turn? Also, at the end of each chapter, Kerner has notes that begin with Raise! and Reach! What is this, a Tony Robbins course?

The same fake-letter format as that other book, but the letters are so pathetic you laugh out loud; or, you might cry, because you know how it is all too well. "Today, so many obsessed women have taken advantage of the anonymity of cyberspace to harass and track the men they adore that we decided to create a safe place where cyber stalkers can share information and techniques with our sisters all over the planet."

A hookup dictionary. The authors explain what hooking up is (it can mean making out or a sleepover), tell how to reduce post-hookup drama and describe the different types of hookups. For example, "The Are-You-My-Boyfriend?" non-relationship hookup; the "Pass the Sippy Cup" younger guy hookup; and the "Girls Gone Wild" spring break hookup.

It's hilarious. And it rings true. Take the "Oops, I did it again" ex-hookup: You know that has happened to you at a bar. "After three shots, one 'Pour Some Sugar on Me' and a powwow in the girls' room where you swear to your friends that he is being soooo nice, you go home with the same guy who sent you straight to therapy with a lifetime prescription for Prozac."

Whoa. The book is made to look like a bible, but it feels more like reading someone's diary. "I had finally internalized the idea that women don't always want relationships. In fact, once unleashed, a woman's physical needs are often more ravenous than a man's. It's just that there are certain barriers and programming walls to be overcome in order for her to feel comfortable enough to surrender to them . . . (As I write this, I look up and, I swear, there is a girl on top of me.)"

This book on "the seduction community" tells men to ignore and "neg" (insult) the women they want to attract. Strauss even calls the desired woman "the target." Not cool.

It makes you think. One chapter, "Dating for Marriage vs. Holding Out for Butterflies," addresses single women's fears that they will become the "shopping bag lady" or the "crazy cat lady."

The book claims to cater to all types of women, but it seems aimed at those who really, really want to have a relationship or get married. You might be left feeling desperate. I almost stopped reading at "Jeanna and Carrie found it inconceivable that they wouldn't get married. They figured if 'Barbara Streisand' could find the love of her life in her 50s, they wanted a shot at it, too. (Also take note that Gloria Steinem got married for the first time in her 60s!)" First of all, it's Barbra Streisand. Second, it's insulting to use Gloria Steinem's life as an example to lonely women: "See, you can get married when you're older!" Yuck. Findling also wrote "The Commitment Cure," which also might leave you feeling pathetic.

The book is pretty funny and some of the advice is good. "Most guys are constantly measuring girls up to a benchmark that doesn't exist: perfection. The right girl has to have the Perfect Body. The Perfect Face. The Perfect Personality. The reality is that there is no perfection."

It's immature. Mortensen tells guys exactly what music to listen to, which clothes to wear, what to cook (he even gives a recipe!) and how to seduce a woman (by the way, the tips on sex and seduction aren't original). I laughed out loud at "Dude, you're on your way to becoming the total package." I would hope most men have it together enough to skip this one.

The writer interviewed couples and singles and put their stories in the book. "I learned that there are 8 million gay men and four stories," he says. It reads real. And whether you're a gay man or a straight woman, this book teaches a lot. "The key to a successful relationship is not believing that everyone is imperfect, and therefore you should be happy if you find a guy with most of the traits you like. The key is drawing a line in the sand for what's totally unacceptable. You have to decide what you absolutely cannot abide and then pray like hell you'll get over the rest. This is called having standards." Hilarious - and true.

One of the 25 mandates is, "Hit on someone your own size (and double your wardrobe)." Is shirt size the criterion you should be looking at, really?

This book is the total package for women. Despite the title, it addresses the ups and the downs of dating. It will have you laughing and nodding more than any other. It talks about the "temporary insanity" women develop at the beginning of relationships. "I was so obsessed with my boyfriend when we first started going out. I'd save every message he left on my machine, and I'd keep every note he wrote. I couldn't even throw away the trash in the bathroom because it had Kleenex that he used to blow his nose in. It was like always having a part of him still here. Man, I was so sick."

It is the funniest book on dating, and more important, not dating. She takes you from the breakup phase: "The reality is that breakups (like swimsuit shopping) get harder as we get older, maybe because we're not dating wildly inappropriate men . . . as often. Instead, we're dating men we genuinely thought could be the One, and when they turn out to be just the 25th, it's understandably depressing and annoying." To the rebound phase: "Sexual sorbet: The first person you sleep with after a breakup; a palate cleanser to remove the taste of a failed relationship." And beyond.

This book provides tons and tons of questions to ask yourself and your prospective lover - and leaves space for your answers. Some of the questions are thought-provoking and interesting: "When you love someone, how does your behavior change? What does love include?"

Zzzz . . . What? Oh? I'm awake now. Do NOT let the title fool you. I was excited to read this book, thinking "this is going to be funny/juicy/sexy." Um, no. It's way too serious. Right off, the author starts talking about yoga, spirituality and the problems with the sexual revolution. "The decline of American values has permeated the bedroom and our relationships until the decline has become so insidious we take it as the norm. But it's not." At least all the other books can laugh at themselves. Next!

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